Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before and After You Marry

I never thought I would say this, but a relationship book has made it to my top ten favorite books. I felt like it was really good premarital counseling in book form. I've had premarital counseling, and it was actually pretty good, but this book was much, much better.This book is really well written, and the content ranges from the general (for instance, telling you that men and women have different needs) to the specific (for instance, giving suggestions for how to tell if you are still "in love" with someone, or if you just see them as a really good friend you happen to be engaged/married to). This book draws heavily from Gottman's research on marriage. While his work does have its flaws, it's important to note that it is easily the best research on marriage that anyone has ever done. Most marriage theories are based on the author's opinions and what they have seen work for a few couples here or there, but Gottman has done the leg-work so that this book can present some actual empirical understanding of the basics of a good marital foundation. This book also draws heavily on Biblical principles of love, relationships, and marriage. It is unapologetically Christian and suggests at the end of the book that even if a couple is doing everything "right" they need to share spiritual dreams and Christian service.I read this book by myself when I got engaged to my boyfriend of a couple of years. The book has questions at the end of each chapter to help you consider how the material in the chapter applies to your specific situation. I took the questions seriously and by about 1/3 of the way through the book I realized that I really couldn't marry my boyfriend. I had a hard time letting go of the relationship but in hindsight it was a really unhealthy situation. My friends had been telling me their concerns but I needed to figure it out for myself, and this book walked me through that process in a really low-pressure gentle way.When I started dating my now-husband I started reading the book again and answering the questions in regard to my new relationship. It was really reassuring for me to see that we were built on a solid foundation. I decided to start over and read the whole book together(which we mostly did in the car) and discuss the questions together. This was probably the best thing we have done for our relationship. It helped us have reasonable expectations for each other and ourselves, and helped us set up good habits as we started our marriage together.One thing to note: apparently there is a man's workbook and a woman's workbook to accompany this book. For budget reasons, I didn't purchase the workbooks. The book was still extremely helpful for me and my husband, but every few pages it directs the reader to an exercise in the workbook. Some of the exercises looked interesting and others looked repetitive or boring. Discussing the questions at the end of each chapter was enough for us.

A great book for dating couples.

I have bought a few of these and use them with couples seeking to get married. Regardless of your religious convictions they have a comfortable way of bringing up some delicate topics with the goal of simply discussing them and preventing disappointment.

This book is a great way for couples to discuss matters that are really important. It is a great way to talk about the things that are all too often "unspoken" even with the greatest of couples. This book gave us a way to make sense of our thoughts, in an easy non-judgmental and open way. It wasn't that we hadn't voiced these ideas or matters, just that we hadn't thought about the matters fully. That is what this book is for: discussing. One of the greatest parts of the book is discussing your family's unspoken rules.My fiance and I had already discussed several of the matters in the book (and thought we had done so successfully), just not as thoroughly as the book asked of us. This really helped us understand each other and our perspectives. Some of the matters in the book seem to be on the naive side, maybe assuming a more modest and conservative lifestyle of its readership (perhaps written especially for couples that haven't gotten to spend a lot of time around each other for extended periods), but there is enough reality to keep topics and discussion flowing. It is an easy fast paced read.This book presents a comfortable and laid back way of discussing the things you may have already thought of but never got the time to bring full circle.

My wife and I went through this book together after we got engaged. We originally read the book together separately. We spent a few nights reading through the chapters together a second time and doing the workbooks, which were somewhat helpful but definitely not all encompassing.This book, with the 7 questions(actually many questions based off of seven big questions) was very insightful and helpful in jumpstarting our marriage counseling. It gave us points to bring up with our pastor to discuss in more detail with a mediator. Don't rely solely on this book to solve your marriage issues or to spear head any problem you will face in marraige. Instead, rely on the book as a reference point to go back to again and again to revisit the issues that may be surfacing without your awareness. Working through the book with my wife was helpful to our relationship and this book is one that I recommend for any of my friends who recently got engaged.I have actually bought 4 copies of this book now, one for me and my wife, and 3 to give out to friends. I will buy a few more in the future as well as, this book really is a great starting point.

My husband and I read this book when we were engaged.At first, I didn't think it would be helpful but it was a great way to ask easy and difficult questions about myself and to each other.After reading this book, we read two other marriage counseling related books and I recommend this book the most.To summarize what I found personally beneficial:1) Not overwhelming:I liked how it's organized by questions. Rather than explaining a lot of contents, it was easy to apply to real life and seemed more practical.2) Good way to get to know your spouse:You can never say you know someone perfectly well. Reading this book together with my husband helped me to understand him more3) Quality time:What we did was that we read each chapter a week (not together, separately) and set a time to share and discuss what we liked and what our thoughts on each topic.I particularly recommend to couple who are planning a wedding. Planning a wedding can be stressful and this may help you to bring the focus back to your relationship with your spouse from an event planning :)

I bought this book and the workbook as my friend and his fiance did it.The book is really easy to follow and the workbook helps. We did it yourself, reading a chapter each week and then talking about it. I think it would be more beneficial if you did it with another couple or someone who could council the weekly meetings.The book prepares you for what to expect in married life and I believe that it will save a huge amount of arguments knowing what we know now.

The book arrived a couple days too late but it was in a very god shape. I was very satiesfied. Thank you

être encore célibataire, en couple, marié depuis longtemps ou jeunes fiancés, ce livre est pour vous. Utile à chacun pour faire tomber les barrieres des mythes, aider à comprendre comment améliorer notre couple ou "réver réaliste pour notre futur" un MUST à lire pour une meilleure compréhension de la vie à 2....

Initially it was difficult for me to get into this book. But as I continued the book gave me good knowledge on how to communicate, conflict resolution and why a relationship with with God is important within marriage.