SM 101: A Realistic Introduction

I don't believe I've ever seen a list of recommended reading for BDSM novices that didn't include Jay Wiseman's "SM 101." Of course, with a title like that it's almost demanding to be considered a definitive reference work on the subject - and unlike so many other books that make similar claims, this is one that truly deserves a place on every kinkster's bookshelf.Despite Wiseman's casual writing style and frequent entertaining "asides," this volume is ultimately, as the title implies, meant to educate. The emphasis throughout is on safety and technique, and although Wiseman rarely loses sight of the fact that all of these activities are ultimately meant to be erotic and fun, this isn't a book calculated to titillate. Wiseman's first emphasis is on safety, always. He uses proper medical terminology for parts of the body rather than the slang most kink authors prefer. It's unlikely that you'll find much fantasy fodder in these pages - but if you're looking to move beyond fantasy into the real world of BDSM, you've come to the right place.Wiseman's treatment of his subject is comprehensive and thorough. There's a ten-page negotiation checklist here. There's 50 pages on bondage, 50 pages on various forms of sensation play, and an extensive treatment of the BDSM world, its ethics and protocols and organization. Unlike many introductory volumes of this type, Wiseman gives considerable treatment to the practical dynamics of dominance and submission (although he's clearly writing more to those who enjoy playing with D/s dynamics than to those who live the lifestyle 24/7, much of what he has to say is just as applicable in a Total Power Exchange situation as in a casual encounter). There's even a very helpful guide to putting together an inexpensive BDSM "starter set," which should appeal to those readers who are anxious to get started but can't afford fancy toys and dungeon furniture. The glossary contains a number of terms that didn't quite fit into the rest of the book, and is worthy to read (or at least skim) in its own right.Novices who are still struggling to come to terms with their BDSM desires will find this volume of particular value. Wiseman tells his own story of self-discovery at length; readers who have felt isolated and ashamed will relate to his onetime concerns that his "deviant" interests make him a terrible person who will never enjoy a healthy, fulfilling sexual relationship, and take comfort in his exploration of what BDSM truly is and is not. Especially delightful are the "quotes" that appear throughout the book, often (but not necessarily) related to the text of the chapter in which they appear. These quotes reflect a variety of perspectives: male and female, gay and straight, Dom and sub, dabbler and lifestyler. The one thing they all have in common is that they reflect the richly human experience of BDSM, with its joys and frustrations and contradictions and challenges and even its mundane realities. Nearly any reader will be able to pick out at least a handful of quotes that poignantly reflect his or her own desires and experience, even the ones that don't altogether make rational sense ("I love it when I'm honestly begging for it to stop, and she looks in my eyes and smiles and keeps right on going"). Reading this book will communicate loud and clear to the nervous newcomer that wonderful message of reassurance: You're not alone.The book is not without its flaws, though they are for the most part quite minor. There's a two-page appendix on the subject of "SM and the Internet" that, after nearly 15 years, is little more than a historical relic that needs to be not so much updated as scrapped altogether and replaced. Organization doesn't appear to be Wiseman's strong suit; he doesn't always present his material in the most logical order. I'm still trying to figure out why he felt the need to interrupt a solid block of chapters on various forms of sensation play with a little two-page chapter on lubricants. And his desire to be thorough often crosses the line into excessive repetition, and occasionally into topics only marginally related to the subject of the book (why do we need contact information for an anti-circumcision organization? WHY?).Perhaps my greatest quibble - and I will readily admit that it's a highly idiosyncratic one - is the title of the book itself. Wiseman attempts to explain his chosen terminology as a matter of tradition, even though he freely admits that the term "sadomasochism" is "slightly alarming and rather easy to misunderstand." Since this book was published, the lovely compact initialism "BDSM" has come into its own. Far less fraught with threatening connotations, and inclusive of those of us whose interest in giving or receiving pain is secondary at best, "BDSM" would far better reflect the spirit of this book's purpose, and as iconic a work as this is, I do hope the author would consider updating the terminology - including the title - in any further editions.There's a reason this book is a favorite among newcomers and long-time practitioners alike; despite its minor flaws, its reputation is well-deserved. This is a must-have for any collection of BDSM literature. Expect to refer back to it often.

This book should be regarded as the "original authority" or "an old classic" concerning BDSM.People who should read this book include those who have recently discovered a new side of themselves, found a new partner who happens to be kinky, or have been in a relationship for along time, and would like to spice up their sex life.The information in this book is thorough, and covers useful topics such as how to form romantic relationships, find a good partner (not necessarily a kinky one), the major types of BDSM play (bondage, flagellation, humiliation, dom and sub relationships, etc), and the sociological and psychological aspects of BDSM. There is a nice assortment of these general topics. The information isn't meant to be comprehensive because there is *so much* going on in the BDSM world, but it gives plenty of info to get started on. There are other books out there that focus on more specific BDSM topics, most notably bondage, because there are so many techniques, patterns, and knots out there. Readers can shop for and purchase more specific books after this one, when they figure out what they are most interested in.The author (Jay Wiseman) is fairly old (66 as of when this review was written), and he wrote this book in 1992, with this edition being originally written in 1996. The major consequence of the book being this old is that the information and commentary on HIV (AIDS) in this book is outdated. HIV/AIDS back in the mid-90s was still somewhat mysterious, and the medical treatment for it was far less effective than today. Things have changed now, with AIDS no longer being a death sentence, so the discussion and comments about these things isn't so useful or relevant anymore. But the other info in the book will still be plenty useful. Just look for info on AIDS and AIDS safety from other more up to date sources, and ignore the comments in this book.AIDS aside, this book does benefit a lot from Jay Wiseman's history of being a professional EMT for years. He is super conscious of safety concerns, and painstakingly explains all of the health and safety risks of BDSM. He explains why breath play is very dangerous, and how bondage and flagellation should be conducted to avoid acute and chronic injury, while having as much kinky fun as possible.One more big thing that has changed since this book was published is that we have *really really good* internet now compared to back in the mid-90s. This means that finding kinky organizations and events isn't really hard anymore, and the addresses of the organizations in the back are less useful than a google search or some website names would be now. This doesn't really ruin the book, it is just outdated information in the Appendices in the back that isn't really useful anymore.In terms of organization and writing, this book is very well assembled, contains few or no grammatical errors, and is concisely written. It also has fun/funny quotes of things that Jay Wiseman heard at BDSM meetings in the margins, and these make things fun for the reader.In summary, I'm giving this four stars instead of five because a few sections of the book are outdated. Everything else about it is excellent. I would recommend that people new to BDSM try this book first, and then move onto more specific texts as their interests suit them. If you like this book, and want a second opinion about roughly the same subjects, try Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns by Miller and Devon.

This well written book deals in considerable detail with the difficult subject of BDSM. His matter of fact style and emphasis on safety were particularly illuminating. As a complete "outsider" it gave me a great insight into the world of BDSM and thoroughly demystified the subject. Anyone who thinks BDSM is whacky and way out out to be enlightened by Jay Wiseman; it's just sex after all!

Fantastic book, very useful reference for newbies and established kinksters alike.

Very good, invaluable book for getting to grips with the basic essentials and helping to figure out what you want safely and with knowledge.

not as good as others but at the same time its still worth 5 starts, bits missing and not so explanetary as it could be , recomended for non beginners .

Great read!