If You Loved Me, You'd Stop!: What You Really Need to Know When Your Loved One Drinks Too Much

I was surprised how good this little book was. It is packed with so much important information but presented in a way that was, to me, so enlightening. So I'll say it: "My wife drinks excessively and probably is an alcoholic."This book spoke to me so clearly and deeply, waking me to many things, including:-- I am so frustrated because I am dedicated to the two unwritten rules in my family of keeping the problem quiet (note the anonymous review)-- I have been denying for too many years how much of a big deal this is for me-- Drinking excessively was so quietly dangerous but has led to full blown alcohol addiction-- Alcoholism is a physical/chemical brain addiction that is so terrible that it has no cure and cannot be overcome by willpower alone-- My children and myself are at risk of this addiction from this same excessive drinking path-- Much more helpful information on how to care for myself while she strugglesThis book dramatically woke me to this dangerous addiction so much so that I plan to give a copy to each of my adult children in hope of preventing a repeat of this pattern in their families.

great book - quick, simple (clear) and to the point. This author obviously has some experience and it has helpful to feel like i had a friend in her. It was also published last year, so i felt the research was current and i could count on best-practices at play. She gave great advice for seeing the bigger picture and way to de-tangle my own identity from the situation and the alcohol. The early chapters went into scientific detail about what happens to the brain itself - this detail was explained in a very straightforward manner, it was new and very enlightening - helping to decouple the affects of alcohol from the individual themselves. The alcohol brain helped me understand why detatching from the situation is so important and POSSIBLE! I also read "Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening." by Robert J. Meyers Ph. D. which was a perfect compliment to this book as it gave alternatives to "detatchment" since obviously i want to stay attached to my loved one. In the few short weeks since i read these books, i have seem a HUGE and significant turn around in my life at home and my loved one's behavior. I take full responsibility for my actions in our goals to stay balanced with alcohol - but i only take responsibility for MY actions now and thats a HUGE relief and great progress! THANKS AUTHORS!

I am currently struggling with dealing with my alcoholic husband and i was looking for direction and suggestions. What I found with this book was a different way to look at things and it opened my eyes to what he is going thru and helps me relate to him better. That has been a huge step forward in our relationship. Before this book....I had told him many times, If you loved me, you'd stop drinking (or drinking so much)....and now I realize it isn't so much of an easy choice for him...it is a true illness. We plan to get him help with an addiction counselor at the first of the year when his insurance kicks in and he is ready to get to the root of the problem and stop being so dependent on it. This book is a quick read but really packed with helpful info, especially if you are like me and haven't really had to deal with addiction so close up.

I've long been searching for a resource that concisely explains alcoholism from a scientific/physiological standpoint while also offering an effective course of self-help in gentle yet reaffirming language, and THIS is it on all accounts. At only 83 pages, this is a quick yet powerful read that will also serve as a fantastically-organized reference guide down the line, incorporating the wealth of knowledge Ms. Frederiksen has come to acquire through her lifetime of navigating alcoholic relationships (see Table of Contents photos). If you are looking for a resource that is succinct, chock-full of useful information, and not patronizing or condescending like other explanatory texts in this genre can be, look no further. This book is a gem.

I'm hoping this book will be helpful to me. My son is in a 30 day program and I hope that I am able to apply what i learned from the book. I found the science especially helpful. I will be setting boundaries. Most helpful statement in the book: "my alcoholic may not survive his alcoholism, but I need to survive it".

Lisa has done a superb job of reframing what is often called codepedency as Second Hand Drinking. Just like being around someone else's smoking, being around someone else's drinking also affects us. Far more than we realize. Lisa has made a strong case for these effects and her website explains things further.I used to think I was unaffected by alcoholism in my family. Now, I can't believe I didn't see the signs sooner. At 64, thanks to being in recovery from someone else's drinking I am beginning to change. It's slow but worth it. Good luck on your journey.

Very helpful for friends and family members of those who drink way too much alcohol.

This book is sad to read, because it basically tells you there's nothing you can do to fix him. But its good because it also relieves you of the responsibility to fix him. You cant and you wont. So try to get on with your life. Get a hobby, work on yourself. Do things you like doing, because you like them. Don't waste your time cleaning up his drunken messes, you have better things to do. ( I should have Let him run the carpet cleaner after the drunken water heater repair fiasco).

i bought this as a review of another book said it had an understandable section on alcohol and the brain. it does. but more than that it contains useful suggestions some of which i will be trying. it also holds out hope that family members can thrive even if the loved one wont admit there is a problem

Very Helpful. Sound, practical, no-nonsense advice. A clear and steady guide by someone who knows the score. It doesn't solve the problem of course but points you in a more hopeful direction. It's been published a while so perhaps an update with personal stories?

good

This book answered my questions at the exact right time. Explained what we're going through accurately and gave me clear actionable advice. Just what i needed. Thank you.