Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill

Matthieu Ricard gave up a career in cellular genetics at the Institut Pasteur to study Buddhism in the Himalayas. In this book he shares his wisdom about happiness drawing from thirty-five years of studying Buddhism and psychology.“A change, even a tiny one, in the way we manage our thoughts and perceive and interpret the world can significantly change our existence. Changing the way we experience transitory emotions leads to a change in our moods and to a lasting transformation of our way of being.”“Authentic happiness is not linked to an activity; it is a state of being, a profound emotional balance struck by a subtle understanding of how the mind functions. While ordinary pleasures are produced by contact with pleasant objects and end when that contact is broken, sukha—lasting well-being—is felt so long as we remain in harmony with our inner nature. One intrinsic aspect of it is selflessness, which radiates from within rather than focusing on the self.”Suffering. “According to Buddhism, suffering will always exist as a universal phenomenon, but every individual has the potential for liberation from it… If our mind becomes accustomed to dwelling solely on the pain that events or people inflict on it, one day the most trivial incident will cause it infinite sorrow… In brief, we must: recognize suffering, eliminate its source, end it by practicing the path… So the way in which we experience these waves of suffering depends a great deal on our attitude.”Ego. “Unlike Buddhism, very few psychological treatments address the problem of how to reduce the feeling of self-centeredness… For Buddhism, paradoxically, genuine self-confidence is the natural quality of egolessness. To dispel the illusion of the ego is to free oneself from a fundamental vulnerability… Genuine confidence comes from an awareness of a basic quality of our mind and our potential for transformation and flourishing, what Buddhism calls Buddha nature, which is present in all of us. Such recognition imparts peaceful strength that cannot be threatened by external circumstances or inner-fears, a freedom that transcends self-absorption and anxiety.”“In what way is humility an ingredient of happiness? The arrogant and the narcissistic fuel themselves on illusions that come into continuous conflict with reality. The inevitable disillusionment that follows can generate… a feeling of inner emptiness. Humility avoids such unnecessary distress.”Thoughts. “Learning to tone down the ceaseless racket of disturbing thoughts is a decisive stage on the road to inner peace… If we resign ourselves to being the perpetual victims of our thoughts, we are like dogs who run after every stick thrown for them.”“When we feel anxious, depressed, cranky, envious, or emotionally exhausted, we’re quick to pass the buck to the outside world; tensions with colleagues at work, arguments with our spouse—anything… can be a source of upset. This reflex is far more than a mere psychological evasion. It reflects the mistaken perception that causes us to attribute inherent qualities to external objects when in fact those qualities are dependent on our own minds. Systematically blaming others and holding them responsible for our suffering is the surest way to lead an unhappy life. It is by transforming our minds that we can transform our world.”Emotions. “If an emotion strengthens our inner peace and seeks the good of others, it is positive, or constructive; if it shatters our serenity, deeply disturbs our mind, and is intended to harm others, it is negative, or afflictive.” Ricard describes the five mental “poisons”: desire/greed, hatred, delusion “which distorts our perception of reality”, pride, and envy.“The experience of introspection shows… negative emotions are transitory mental events that can be obliterated by their opposites, the positive emotions, acting as antidotes.” For example, anger can be neutralized by patience. Another method is liberation. Rather than getting overwhelmed by an emotion, you recognize that the emotion itself is just a thought. “The more you look at anger in this manner, the more it evaporates under your gaze, like white frost under the sun’s rays… One moment of anger can destroy years of patience.”Anxiety. “When trekking in the Himalayas, you often have to walk for days or even weeks. You suffer from the cold, the altitude, snowstorms, but since every step brings you closer to your goal, there is joy in making the effort to attain it. If you get lost and find yourself without bearings in an unknown valley or forest, your courage instantly vanishes; the weight of exhaustion and solitude is suddenly crushing, anxiety mounts, and every step is an ordeal. You lose the will to walk; you want to sit down in despair. Perhaps the anxiety that some people feel likewise comes from a lack of direction in their lives, from having failed to grasp their own inner potential for change.”Inner freedom. “Inner freedom allows us to savor the lucid simplicity of the present moment, free from the past and emancipated from the future. Freeing ourselves from the intrusion of memories of the past does not mean that we are unable to draw useful lessons from our experience. Freeing ourselves from fear of the future does not make us incapable of approaching it clearly, but saves us from getting bogged down by pointless fretting… What’s the point of worrying about things that no longer exist and things that don’t yet exist?”Psychology. “Despite the improvement in material conditions, depression is now ten times as prevalent as it was in 1960 and affects an ever younger sector of the population… Martin Seligman has theorized that ‘an ethos that builds unwarranted self-esteem, espouses victimology, and encourages rampant individualism has contributed to the epidemic.’ In his view, exacerbated individualism helps explain the huge increase in the rate of depression in Western societies, partly as a result of the ‘meaninglessness’ that occurs when ‘there is no attachment to something larger than oneself.’ Buddhism would add that it is also surely due to the tireless dedication of most of our time to external activities and goals, instead of learning to enjoy the present moment, the company of those we love, the peace of natural environments, and, above all, the flowering of inner peace that gives every second of life a new and different quality.”“As for the correlations highlighted by social psychology, in most cases it is unknown whether they act as causes or as consequences. We know that friendship goes with happiness, but are we happy because we have a lot of friends or do we have a lot of friends because we are happy?”Altruism. “The Buddhist perspective… holds selfishness to be the main cause of suffering and altruistic love to be the essential ingredient of true happiness. The interdependence of all phenomena in general, and of all people in particular, is such that our own happiness is intimately linked to that of others… This corroborates the research of psychologists showing that the most altruistic members of a population are also those who enjoy the highest sense of satisfaction in life.”Optimism and Pessimism. “For an optimist, it makes no sense to lose hope. We can always do better… Take the current situation as a starting point (instead of wasting our time crying over the past and lamenting the present)… The optimist, even when she has temporarily failed, is free of regret and guilt feelings. She knows how to step back and is always ready to imagine a new solution, without bearing the burden of past failures. That is how she maintains her serenity.” Ricard points out that the pessimist is less productive because “he’ll devote little energy to a task he feels to be doomed from the start.”Ethics. “Through the interplay of the laws of cause and effect, which Buddhism calls karma—the laws governing the consequences of our actions—ethics are therefore intimately linked to well-being.”“The main thrust of this book has been to differentiate true well-being from pleasure and other counterfeit forms of happiness. Wisdom is precisely that which allows us to distinguish the thoughts and deeds that contribute to authentic happiness from those that destroy it. Wisdom is based on direct experience, not dogma.”“Simplifying one’s life to extract its quintessence is the most rewarding of all the pursuits I have undertaken. It doesn’t mean giving up what is truly beneficial, but finding out what really matters and what brings lasting fulfillment, joy, serenity, and above all, the irreplaceable boon of altruistic love… Having a simple mind is not the same as being simple-minded. On the contrary, simplicity of mind is reflected in clarity of thought. Like clear water that lets us see all the way to the lake bottom, simplicity reveals the nature of the mind behind the veil of restless thought.”

What I’d like to remember:- 3.5 stars- I did not enjoy reading the book. And yet as I go through my “highlights” on Kindle, there are SO MANY good ones…. So, while I am not sure how to square the contradiction, i know for sure this book shares the feeling with “The Monk and the Philosopher” which I also found painful to read and had to “force” myself to continue reading (also despite having interesting ideas). So, I guess I can say that I don’t like how he writes, even though I think he has a lot of really good things to share and say.- I like that He shares a lot of Buddhist (mostly) ideas and principles that (no surprise) can help cultivate happiness (see quotes below but also many more on the book) and I think these are worth coming back to:)- Now to the “negative”: again, Its hard for me to say why exactly I did not enjoy it but below some hints/thoughts/feelings that I think can explain my experience:- 1) His rhythm and threading (??) is just off (whatever that means). I never felt like I had a running thread and continuation on a single book, but rather every time I opened it it felt almost like I did not NEED any of the “content/background” that I had read before, and could almost continue is if I was reading a new book or article (kind of like when reading a textbook). May be he could have made the book shorter (and less repetitive) and focused on better flow than more content?? (No idea if this is a solution)- 2) Buddhism has the solution to anything and everything: and sure may be it does, but it does not need to be a “hard sell” (btw I can’t say for sure right now if this is a reflection of this book, The Monk and Philosopher or both!)- 3) same as on the other book, he seems to use this space (the book) to make a political statement about China and Tibet. Without any comment to the merit of the arguments, I just don’t think think this is the right place to make them.- 4) He talks about “some/lots of people” in a very Trumpian way: that is to make a point he references an anonymous and undefined group of people who would support what he is saying. But is this really a good proxy of a large number of people? For example he talks about how for some people being happy is almost distasteful: who are these people? For example the below sounds like an exaggeration or simple over generalization: “Friends of mine who lead cultural tours in Asia have told me how their clients can’t bear the least gap in their itinerary. “Is there really nothing scheduled between five and seven?” they ask anxiously.”

The book opens up to the thoughts and clarifies in a precise manner.Highly recommend the author..

I've read several books on happiness but have found no more effective and convincing guide than this. Many other authors fall into "the Texas housewife" fallacy. Research shows that the average housewife is quite happy - but Ricard asks what happens if something goes wrong, if she loses her job or her child dies. Then he points to ways to overcome grief, or a reduced lifestyle - skillful ways to be, or become, happy in any situation. This advice is for everyone, not just the Texas housewife.Part of the Texas housewife fallacy is the idea that you can only be happy if you have an excellent marriage, loadsa money, zippy social life, and so on. I'd often wondered if such authors had ever considered the wise hermit in the cave. We've all heard he's the happiest man. Well, Ricard actually is that man!(There are MRI results that prove it, although he is too modest to claim that title.)Fans of Aristotle may now be grumbling about such brain centred results - saying happiness is flourishing. But this makes happiness seem like something only a superwoman Texas housewife can have! Not only a good job, and a great marriage, but she must also be a leader in the community. Ricard undermines Aristotle, with Buddha's help, and shows that happiness is, indeed, all in the mind, it's 'feeling good', it's 'joie de vivre'. The hermit can have joie de vivre. Anyone, with the right mentality, can 'feel good' most of the time. There is the caveat that people must be alive to the suffering of others, though; there is no retreat into solipsism. Ricard has taken the bodhisattva vow. Writing this book is, probably, part of living up to that.Ricard frequently uses examples from Western Culture, as well as Buddhism, to illustrate his points. He's the son of a famous Parisian philosopher, and is an excellent position to do this. For instance, early in the book, he points to Glenn Gould, Bobby Fischer, and Baudelaire. He says he didn't want to be like them (wouldn't we all agree!) We might pause and think, but, hey, these guys are at the pinnacle of Western Culture! But are they happy?Later in the book he undermines the negative side of bigger, stabler, cultural figures, like Kant and Aristotle. This is all done with the lightest touch and in a language anyone can understand. At one point, he even demolishes Bach (!) Maybe "demolish" is a bit strong - he praises Bach for producing beautiful music, but points out that we can only listen to even this music for a short time without becoming bored. We need something else to make us happy most of the time - like the skills taught to us by the Buddha and his followers.

Ricard is an endearing Buddhist monk 💛 in the first half, he dissects the nuances of happiness from a Buddhist perspective. The second half articulates how attaining inner freedom can hold sacred your happiness through the calm and turbulent waters of life. The ending was like reading a sunset.books proceeds go towards humanitarian projects in Tibet Nepal India and Bhutan.

As a parent trying to raise two children in London, with a full-on job in IT, I feel challenged regarding finding time to learn how to meditate, though I want to. I think I believe in the cognitive psychology discussed in this book, there is evidence to support it. CBT has helped me somewhat over the years.I do wonder though how 'natural' it is for humans to be able to follow Buddhist beliefs around interdependence, compassion and altruism, and removing ones ego.But I think Buddhism with these and other concepts is, when examined in the cold light of day, the best 'religion' out there in terms of sowing the least, or no destruction, and of developing one's best self, even though personally I am going to throw my lot in with the Humanists : let's face it, deep down, everybody today must sense the reality that supernatural beings did not exist on the Earth performing miracles and our Gods exist only in our minds. Perhaps out there, there might be an extremely powerful creator of everything, but that creator, possibly of countless other alien worlds, is not going to favour one set of homo sapiens over another.Two questions :1 - Why is Buddhism, with its message of tolerance and compassion to all sentient things, not nearly as successful in its take-up as say one of the rampaging big three monotheistic religions ? It should be vastly more successful. If everybody followed Buddhist principles, the world would be transformed into a beautiful and peaceful place overnight for all sentient creatures. My answer is, that it's too much hard work to follow, to be constantly vigilant around your random thoughts, to keep your emotions of selfishness, anger, envy, revenge etc, at bay. Those emotions expressed over the millenia are why the world is where it is today, not in a great place.2 - Does Buddhism expect total compassion to all beings? What about to a group like ISIS ? Possible to show compassion and empathy here ? That's stretching compassion for me.So onto Happiness. I will try not to get entangled with my thoughts around past regrets, or worry about what might or might not happen in the future. Or let my emotions get the better of me. I am trying hard to live in the present moment, during my long drives to work and short walks through the woodland sanctuary. I will join a meditation group one evening per week.

Thanks for being a spiritual guide to me. This book strengthened my faith further in meditation. I just wish everyone recieves enlightenment. You are an amazing human being who will live eternally.