---
product_id: 54494470
title: "You Can't Say That to Me: Stopping the Pain of Verbal Abuse--An 8- Step Program"
brand: "suzette haden elgin"
price: "24688 Ft"
currency: HUF
in_stock: true
reviews_count: 9
url: https://www.desertcart.hu/products/54494470-you-cant-say-that-to-me-stopping-the-pain-verbal
store_origin: HU
region: Hungary
---

# You Can't Say That to Me: Stopping the Pain of Verbal Abuse--An 8- Step Program

**Brand:** suzette haden elgin
**Price:** 24688 Ft
**Availability:** ✅ In Stock

## Quick Answers

- **What is this?** You Can't Say That to Me: Stopping the Pain of Verbal Abuse--An 8- Step Program by suzette haden elgin
- **How much does it cost?** 24688 Ft with free shipping
- **Is it available?** Yes, in stock and ready to ship
- **Where can I buy it?** [www.desertcart.hu](https://www.desertcart.hu/products/54494470-you-cant-say-that-to-me-stopping-the-pain-verbal)

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- suzette haden elgin enthusiasts

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## Description

You Can't Say That to Me: Stopping the Pain of Verbal Abuse--An 8- Step Program

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## Customer Reviews

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 5.0 out of 5 stars







  
  
    A practical guide
  

*by E***N on Reviewed in the United States on March 22, 2022*

Im a social worker and a domestic violence advocate and I often give this book out to clients. It has a lot of example conversations that portray conversations that turn abusive and then the same conversation with responses that will redirect it from being abusive. Its useful for relearning your compass when you've been subjected to verbal abuse and gas lighting for a while. Many people in that situation end up feeling unsure about how people should speak to one another. It also is useful if a person needs to continue having conversations with an abuser such as in the case of shared child custody. It is not a philosophical discussion of why abusers abuse (if you are a survivor, its not your job to figure this out about your abuser) or old fashioned psychoanalysis. Its practical methods that are more in keeping with a modern CBT approach. This book will help you identify the patterns and then practice problem solving to develop better skills in circumventing or responding to verbal violence. I have seen some reviewers that are unhappy because this book doesn't tell them how to fix their abuser. Of course it doesn't. I would be wary of any that did, because that's neither the responsibility of the survivor or something that's ever likely to even be possible.It also doesn't tell you how to escape domestic violence. This book takes a neutral subject-centered approach and does not preach nor condemn. It assumes that the reader has reached their own conclusions about maintaining contact with a verbal abuser and just offers the language tools. For someone seeking encouragement or help in escaping abuse, I would encourage them to contact a domestic violence hotline or service.

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐ 4.0 out of 5 stars







  
  
    Helpful information, struggled with organization of concepts
  

*by O***A on Reviewed in the United States on February 24, 2012*

The author makes some very good points about it taking two people to participate in a negative verbal exchange. She wants the victim of verbal abuse to not feel completely helpless, that said, she doesn't claim that this will fix an abusive relationship but focuses on the linguistics of the exchange. The techniques she shares to neutralize the conversation as opposed to "feeding the abusive verbal loop" are very helpful. I wish there were less repetition of certain philosophies and more and varied examples of each technique. I felt the organization of the concepts was a bit scattered... i.e. a "note" about the effect on children caught as observers at the end of a completely unrelated chapter when in an earlier chapter she seemed to suggest that she would touch on this topic in greater detail later. It may just be my learning style, but I found this book harder to read because of the way the topics and unrelated subtopics were arranged. I found myself skipping around a lot in the book to make sense of it. Overall some great ideas to try. By the way, not one of the techniques involves stating plainly to the abuser that, "you can't say that to me!"

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 5.0 out of 5 stars







  
  
    Elgin agrees with my very favorite book of advice....
  

*by T***U on Reviewed in the United States on October 10, 2008*

I became a fan of Elgin's after reading "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense."  I needed that not just because of abusive people in my life, but because I had picked up some verbally abusive patterns myself.  I read the reviews for Patricia Evans' books and right or wrong it seemed there was at times a lot of anger projected, however understandably.  Apparently her books helped some folks very much and that is good.  But my favorite Source of advice says:  "Do not exchange insult for insult or [what it seems to me was in some of the reviews] rancor for rancor."  "Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good."  "Treat all persons [this means even abusers - though one can respectfully leave them if necessary!] with respect." This means we know we are entitled to be treated with respect too! "A gentle answer turns away wrath." "In all things, love."  If it's not obvious, those quotes are from Scriptures.  My humble opinion, if the advice in Elgin's book, and prayer, don't work for a particular person, then okay leave him or her before they hurt you more.  This would be even more essential if children are involved, because they should not witness, and possibly learn, or experience the abusive treatment themselves. However, if the lost cause abusers are in your family or work place and you can't get away, distance yourself from them emotionally and physically as much as possible.  "Do not make friends with an angry person lest you become ensnared in his ways."  "Anger resides in the lap of fools."  "He who controls his temper is mightier than one who conquers a city."

## Frequently Bought Together

- You Can't Say That to Me: Stopping the Pain of Verbal Abuse--An 8- Step Program
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*Product available on Desertcart Hungary*
*Store origin: HU*
*Last updated: 2026-03-14*