Is Marriage for White People?: How the African American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone

This book was a really good read and at some parts I couldn't put it down. The author did his homework with frank literary investigation and useful stats to back his claim. This book was truly a eyeopener and would be a great book for black women and men who have yet to delve into this subject matter. Although, I loved the book and think it is a starter piece for black women looking to date out, if you are a avid reader in this subject like I am it can be a bit of a rehash of words and encouragement stressed in books similar to the subject matter. Here are my pro's and cons.Pros: A great book with stats to back up the author claim's some BWE(Black Women Empowerment) books and blogs provide here-say and "It has happen to me and a few of my friends, claims" but only a few back it up with thoughtful analysis and long tested statistics. The book has an in depth bibliography and work cite descriptions to back his statements as facts instead of a well thought out hypothesis, numbers don't often lie. The great thing is this book is from a black man, finally and not a black woman which only proves that it is time for Sister's to be open to more options.Although, there are a few one star's(Who I doubt really read the book all the way through if at all) reviews that report he is only telling black women to date white men this can be further from the truth. He is telling black women that are willing to go against the grain to date not only white men but Latino, Asian, Multi-Cultural, etc. and yes Black men that are equally compatible to you and not just date a man that is black because you are black. He stated it with not only claims but facts(Multiple accounts of the effects of a low income spouse with their high income spouses and unfortunately one account of abuse and the devastating outcome) of what occur when women of all races date men that aren't compatible to you and how it not only affects the women but also the men and even more the children they produce. Marriage based on compatibility of personalities, life experience and expectations is a must.Cons: There are more then enough BWE books(One great one for only $5 bucks for Kindle),blogs and groups that tell black women to date out so I don't think he should have stressed this fact so often. It almost felt like there should have been a title change in the book "Is Marriage for White People?: How the African American Marriage Decline Affects Black Women and Their Children." instead of the title that was presented.I read the book waiting for some focus on why some upscale highly educated upper middle class black men that choose not to play the field marry white or other non-black women. This was addressed so lightly in the book that it was almost like it wasn't addressed at all but I believe this subject matter needs to be addressed esp. by a author of this caliber hopefully if your reading this please make another book addressing this matter. I have read one book "Hung" out of many that addressed this matter sincerely but lightly but it has still not been touched in a frank non-bias well-written statistical way. Although, I and others have ideas of why this occurs it would be reassuring to have stat's and analyzed theories to back up the claims instead of hear-say and put whitefronts(brothers/sisters that pose as white men),PBs(political brother/sisters that pose as keeping it real brothers who are really racist), Sultans(Black men that don't want black women to date out because this would decrease their harem of readily available black women) and other negative misogynist people to rest with facts that have little to do with just attraction between bm/ww and more to do with other matters as well(The joke about the two black men and one old white woman and young white woman was just hitting it mildly).Book was too short and I was shocked to see that I had finished the book when my kindle was only at 50%. Most of the book was filled with bibliography,sources and acknowledgement's. I think if the subject above would have been addressed it would have been longer.All in all great read and still deserves five stars for it's professionalism and well written analysis.

I enjoyed this book. Great points were made with a lot of knowledge. I read it in a week. I recommend this

When I first saw the title of this book, unlike some people it did not offend me; it just reiterated what I have begun to wonder from watching only my non-black friends get married. This book is a must read not only for black women, but for others ethnic groups as well. Banks does a great job of using experiences from middle class black women's dating/marriage experiences to support research that has been done on this topic in various forms by different people. As I read the book, I knew everything Banks explains about educated black women dating/marrying blue-collar guys is true from the experiences of friends and to some extent myself.Banks also does what many authors fail to do which explain with simplicity; why marriage is different as a result of the changing reproductive, sexual, and financial dynamics between men and women. A mix-marriage (college educated wife and a husband that did not go to college) a generation ago has different dynamics that a mix-marriage of today.I think some people are uncomfortable with this book because black girls are often raised to believe that they are undesirable to men of other ethnic groups (which is absolutely untrue) and we are made to feel guilty by our extended families, some peer groups, black men, members in the community, etc. for the hard times some black men experience. As a result of that guilt some of us feel it is our responsibility to date/marry men that we do not have anything in common with besides growing up in similar neighborhoods and try to have a relationship with a very rocky foundation be successful and happy.I am glad there is a book about middle class black women that is accurate and positive. There is nothing that Banks projects or suggests that educated black women that do not already know or have not already experienced first or second hand. The book is honest and uplifting. It breaks that shackles that so many black women have carried; feeling like we are undatable and made to bear the burden of loneliness; something that goes against nature. We deserve to be just as happy as our colleagues and friends who are in loving marriages. I am happy to be finally and truly free. I highly recommend this book.

This book served as a wake-up call for African-American women who want to be in a relationship or want marriage and children. The statistics concerning African-Americans are an eye-opener and alarming. Also being loyal to Black men and the community at large, has not been benefial to Black women. In fact, this loyalty has been a hindrance to Black women, especially when it's not being reciprocated. Black women have a lot of hurdles against them and understandably, they have apprehensions when dating and marrying out, considering the tumultuous racial history between black and white people. I admit, as a black woman, I'm apprensive in dating interracially considering the climate we're in right now. But that's just me though. At the end of the day, black women have options. You can date black men and date men of other races. You have the power and the ball is in your court. Mr. Banks is right, stating that if more black women date and marry interracially, more black women for black men. It might make more black men be more competitive to gain black women's affections. My main issue with this book is that it's too short. Also why is there so much focus on black women and white men when it comes to interracial relationships? The author briefly mentioned men of other races who are interested in black women and I wished that he would explore this more. But otherwise, great book and a must read!

Je recommande ce livre pour avoir une meilleure perspective sur le mariage entre les femmes noires et les hommes blancs.

Absolutely loved this book. A perfect blend of statistical data and qualitative research/interviews, with a cogent argument and solution. As a black female graduate from Oxbridge in the UK, now in her late 20s, I could relate to much of the book. My dating experiences with black men led me to this book. Thank you to the author for this rich, informative and empowering work. It has confirmed many of my intuitive suspicions following personal experience, and given me renewed courage to explore new options racially. We love black men, but perhaps the best way to support them is not to be in intimate relationships with them, engrossed in being receptacles of their trauma, but rather to situate ourselves outside of and at a safe distance from their trauma - to be in the healthiest relationships we can including if with non-black men - in oder to help our brothers out of their trauma, from outside of the trauma.

The book itself is a really good academic book. I would recommend it to everyone. However, I think that is was stolen from a library in the US... Maybe we need to verify more the origins of the books we buy on Amazon...

The willingness of many black women to carry an entire race of men on their backs is truly baffling. The coddling of BM by the collective of BW has not yielded any positive results. This book clearly outlines how being ‘race first’ is not only counterproductive, but asks a sacrifice of BW to great for anyone to bear. I hope BW wake up, and explore their options.

The overall thesis is fascinating. We hear so little about the blacks who are doing well - which if you think about it, is pretty odd. It was interesting to read about black issues from a black perspective - a lot of the black written work that reaches audience tends to be utterly obsessed with white people. It's hard to respect.I'm not going to comment on whether black women *should* "date out" - I don't really care. I'm going to ask about the practicalities. None of the women here, even the ones allegedly in good relationships with white guys, can across as the kind of women that well adjusted white men would want.If you're so concerned about keepin' it real, and passing on a black consciousness to your kids then, well, you'd be better off working with black folks and marrying them. Think about it - whites want to pass on a racial consciousness, just like all other human beings. If you're a black woman who wants to marry a white man and then work ten times as hard to make sure your kids think of themselves as super black, what Lind of white man is going to go along with this? Consider that you may be setting yourselves up to get our dregs.(That, of course, doesn't stop us noticing the increasing number of astonishingly pale people who hysterically up their own blackness. The trend the author tries to push seems unlikely to create a calm, secure sense of racial identity.)To sum up: great synopsis of the problem, and his heart is in the wrong place - and heaven knows, it's nice to see a discussion of interracial relationships that doesn't assume that black women are open to all comers, and it's just a matter of who will take them. But whatever advantages he sees in WMBW relationships are most likely a matter of higher barriers to entry. Deigning, in a sighing way, to date another race, then demanding they get raised black and nothing but, won't select for the best men.