Companion Workbook for Is It Me?: Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage

Natalie KNOWS the world of covert hidden emotional abuse. She’s lived it. She lived in a confusing marriage for more than 20 years. Like many women of faith, it took her a long time to recognize it as abuse and get to freedom to save herself and her kids. Natalie has compassion for others who are experiencing it.I heard Natalie speak last month, and bought a copy of her new workbook. I liked it so much I bought another.As a long-time divorce recovery leader in churches, I get asked, "What workbooks do you recommend?" Well, this is a great one! This is a fantastic new workbook for women, especially Christian women. Natalie Hoffman’s eleven sessions are for individuals to do on their own, or to do as a discussion group or book study.Many abused wives don’t have words for the confusion they are feeling. They know something is wrong in the marriage, but can’t quite put their finger on it. They walk on eggshells constantly. Natalie’s workbook helps you find the words to express the feelings. Her writing is easy to read and easy to understand. She is very gifted at helping people identify what’s happening behind closed doors.Here’s my take on each session: (By the way, you need to have her book Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage: A Christian Woman's Guide to Hidden Emotional and Spiritual Abuse to use this workbook. You might be able to skate by in the first session, but the later weeks absolutely require it although Natalie very kindly summarizes some of the key points at the beginning of each session.)Week 1 – Is This Your Marriage? Natalie’s checklists are pure gold. She gives a list of personality traits and asks “What were you like before you got married? How are you now?" Then she moves into 30 patterns of behavior in your marriage, and asks simple yes/no questions: Does this happen in your marriage? She walks with you to evaluate events in your own life.Week 2 – What Does a Normal Marriage Look Like? Do other people have chronic lying, insecurity, irresponsibility, and fear in their marriages too? A normal marriage has mutual love and respect. Natalie gives 25 questions to help you evaluate your own situation.Week 3 – The Propaganda Machine. We’ve all heard advice about how to guarantee a good marriage. While this advice often works if both spouses are decent people who care for each other’s wellbeing, sadly, this advice doesn’t work in abusive marriages. Natalie calls these false guarantees “The Propaganda Machine.” And she gives 50 examples of these common myths.Week 4 – His Role. Does your husband deny responsibility, deceive you, and ignore your wellbeing? Can he change?Week 5 – Your Role. You were targeted by your spouse because of your good qualities and strengths. Your spouse identified them and used them against you. So it’s no wonder you have grown anxious and often feel hopeless. Trying to cope leads to stress, and stress affects your body too.Week 6 – The Role of Others. This session focuses on identifying safe people — people who understand abuse and will stand by you. Some churches are safe and others are not. Some counselors are better than others. Learn how to choose a good counselor (and church) and how much to share with other people.Week 7 – God’s Role. An overview of what the Bible really says about women and mutuality and God’s view of abuse (he hates it and he hates people who make a big show of devotion while at church, but abuse their family behind closed doors). God set up divorce as a way of mercifully allowing people escape and find relief from abusive or unfaithful spouses.Week 8 – Changing Your Role. Helps you separate issues that are your responsibility versus those that are his. Learning to set boundaries and follow through with consequences. Learning that you can rescue yourself (and your children) by yourself. You don’t need to wait for a protector. God will give you strength.Week 9 – House of Cards. When you start to set boundaries, the abuser may react with apologies, sneakiness, smear campaigns, and perhaps try to enlist the church and family members to take his side. This vital chapter teaches you the technique of documenting abuse—not just the dates/times, but the feelings and actions of each person.Week 10 – The Key to Your Future. Changing your beliefs about yourself and your life. Learning to be a self-advocate. Anger, forgiveness, and moving on.Week 11 – What Comes Next? Encouragement that there is life on the other side. Recovery from abuse is a long process, but gradually it will happen. As you empower yourself, you can take steps into freedom.I’ve already bought two copies of this workbook. One at a conference where Natalie spoke (I was very impressed), and the other on Amazon.

This workbook is good if you want to go through it with your spouse or you’re not aware yet that you’re being emotionally abused. Ive been separated for over a year and I’m so done with the marriage. Husband wants to get back but I just want to work on my healing after 30 years of emotional, spiritual, financial abuse. So I’m finding the book is helpful for me but not the workbook. If you are separated and know you’re moving toward a divorce, then you don’t really need the workbook. I am enjoying the butterfly coloring pages in the book. It’s actually been therapeutic coloring the butterflies. I am like those butterflies flying free!!

I recently participated in and completed the small group Is It Me? offered by Natalie Hoffman in which we used her book along with this workbook as part of this book study/support group. The workbook is excellent! It really helps generate a lot of thoughts and emotions that helped me process and heal. It was great to use it within this small group forum but I could see how it certainly could be used outside of a group for just an individual to benefit from it. I would highly recommend this workbook to you as well as taking the small group study.

I am going through this workbook with a group of women and am so impressed with the clarity and thoroughness of the presentation in each chapter. Its helping us learn a lot about different aspects of emotional abuse as well as clearly showing us where we need to change the beliefs we ve had about it.

Going through this workbook and companion book with a small group. Loving it!

Great book! It saved me from my abusive husband! Now I’m living a life of peace and contentment!

So thankful for this book! The author has been a God send for me & also love listening to her podcasts on flyfreenow.com

Where we guide others to focus is crucial.Yeshua teaches a quite different way.