Sorcerer's Apprentice: My Life with Carlos Castaneda

This is a strange personal account of an enduring relationship between one of the world's most mysterious and famous shamans in the last two centuries, and a young and sensitive woman, the daughter of a popular author, Irving Wallace, and her attempt to honestly relate the insanity, trauma and psychological abuse that those who've had the misfortune of belonging to a genuine cult, will understand all too well. The texts of Carlos Castaneda have influenced and continue to affect millions of reader's across the world. Regardless if these books are pure fabrication or the literal truth is somewhat irrelevant: the philosophy of the Way of the Warrior, opening awareness to things and events in the world, that we normally do not see, the notion that there is a path to "true" knowledge, and a prescribed method to "total freedom", is an alluring proposal. Most of us living our mundane day-to-day lives, getting up every day to just make a living, the idea that there is "magic" in the world, and that it can be tapped and used for self betterment is compelling, and touched the 60's generation at exactly the right time. As most readers of Castaneda well know, his philosophy is anti-authority, breaking from the chains of our incessant social conditioning, (smashing the ego to bits) and becoming the beings we were meant to be - warriors of impeccability. Nonetheless, the proof is in our actions, our fruits, which begs the question, has anyone, including Castaneda, achieved the warrior's goal, and leaped into the abyss of infinity with her/his eyes wide open? After reading Amy Wallace's book, a nagging doubt remains. It is without question that Castaneda was a highly charismatic and enormously persuasive individual. Those who actually met the man, celebrities, politicians and writers all agree on this point. Amy Wallace, though, fell in love with the man, in the romantic sense, became his constant companion, and contributed to the creation of his organization. She became a member of his inner circle of witches, kicked out and let back in again far too many times. She had to experience untold psychological abuse, and the appalling insanities of Castaneda's endless sexual exploits with a platoon of women that would make the most highly promiscuous wince in disbelief. The politics and backstabbing between his inner circle of witches reminded me of the petty games of adolescent girls, with their jealousies and drama, all vying for the father's attention. As the central method to impeccability of a sorcerer is the abolishment of the ego, ridding the personality of "self importance", these so-called witches failed on every count. Amy Wallace managed to survive her experience in this cult, though had to undergo most of the psychological pain of separating from it, and the death of her lover: post-traumatic syndrome, grief, longing and thoughts of suicide, finally in the end, it seems, achieving her psychological separation, as she proposes, through the writing of this book. Amy is a good writer, as one can feel her pain as she examines the lies, betrayal, and endless abuse from Castaneda and his closest cohorts. Because the most dramatic and real love affairs in one's life remain with you, Wallace continues to respect and feel affection for the man despite their long and tumultuous past. Personally, this story does not dissuade me from Castaneda's teachings. His books are highly influential and changed my views of the world in positive ways, too numerous to mention. A recommended read for those needing to know some of the workings of the inside of his strange and unorthodox world.

Amy Wallace bares her soul in this themed memoir about her relationship with author Carlos Castaneda. At times, her focus wanders and she doesn't always write in the detail that you'd expect, so some parts of the narrative are hazy and frustrating to read, but some parts are quite lucid and revealing. The memoir is well worth a read if you're researching the enigma of Castaneda and his private life in the two decades after he dropped out of public view.

Shidoshi: The Four Ways of the Corpse When I started reading Amy Wallace's account of her years with Carlos Castaneda, I had some trepidation about her motivation for writing the book. I had written my Master of Arts thesis on Castaneda's writings and have always been opposed to those who merely try to prove that what Carlos said was worthless. Some have even built an entire career on debunking Castaneda, rather than contributing something of value of their own making. Less than a page into Amy's account, I was pleasantly surprised to see that this heartfelt recapitulation is neither too much praise for her former lover and "nagual" or a self-pitying and mean-spirited attack on everything that relates to Castaneda or the "witches" in his entourage. Amy tells it like it was and makes it clear that her motivations are her own healing and to offer a cautionary tale for others who blindly follow (or obsess in any way about) another person's path. I found the book riveting and exceedingly useful. I highly recommend it for anyone who calls themselves a serious student of Carlos. However, keep in mind that even Amy Wallace, as with many of us, still finds a great deal of power and beauty in the words of Carlos Castaneda. --Gordon Richiusa

It’s a worthwhile read for certain people (it was for me). If you are a Casteneda fan and want to get a more detailed look at a great man and his great spiritual teachings, this is not the book for you. On the other hand, if - whatever you think of his writings - you are pretty sure Carlos made his books up and that he was probably a bit shifty in life, and want support for those views and to get a sense of how truly dysfunctional the reality of Carlos Castenada was, then this is the book for you. I’m a great fan of Casteneda’s books. I wish the stories were true and also that the philosophy and methodologies they hint at represented a cohesive and tested system of liberation. I’m convinced otherwise. And lately have been curious about the man himself, and how and why he spun the tales that he did. I’ve also been curious about those around him, particularly his inner circle of “witches”, who appeared from interviews I’ve read/heard to be intelligent and capable people. Perhaps there was a real truth there, and the inner circle experienced it? Perhaps they all even burned from within and achieved liberation? But no, the real truth was that power can be corrupting, and spiritual power can sometimes lead to cults, cruelty and even death, as this book demonstrates. About the book. Amy Wallace may have been a good writer in other contexts, but here she lays out a somewhat scattershot tale of her relationship with Castenada and his inner circle. I didn’t feel the book held together as a “story”, with any sort of real arc (other than Carlos dies in the end). It’s just a set of somewhat random tales of bad things Amy saw or experienced with Casteneda and his crew. Indeed, the book appears to be what is was; something Amy simply had to spew out in order to help purge herself of the long dysfunctional relationship she had with Carlos and his people. And that is perhaps, oddly, its best function for the reader as well. Whatever you think of Amy’s book, in the end I think it will convince you that Casteneda and his writings do not present any clear spiritual path to follow. There may be good snippets of philosophy and perspectives in his books, but there was no Don Juan, Toltec lineage or, more importantly, any cohesive or consistent system or philosophy that one could possibly follow to achieve spiritual growth (let alone “liberation”). Indeed, those who believed otherwise and tried the hardest ended up broken or worse. There are other philosophies and spiritual methodologies out there that ARE cohesive and really do have some lineage behind them (e.g., some that Carlos copied in snippets in his books). And those are worth pursuing if you are looking for a path to follow that can lead toward spiritual growth. But don’t look to Castenada’s books for a system, they will lead you nowhere. This book makes that clear, in a very convincing way. The book is also a good (if, again, somewhat scattershot) look at what it’s like to be inside a nascent “cult” as well as a dysfunctional set of relationships. It’s not an outside reporter explaining all this. Rather, it’s an insider, still broken and confused, spilling out remembrances and feelings. For the reader, that can be at various times fascinating, moving, and tedious. So, again, a mixed bag. Fans looking for support of their journey along the “toltec path” won’t like it. Those looking to either more fully distance themselves from the romance they might have with that false path, or to simply understand the odd and powerfully destructive mini-cult that was Castenada will find the book useful. By the way, there is a pretty good podcast on Casteneda that I would recommend as a companion (or alternative) to this book. It’s called “Trickster: They Many Lives of Carlos Casteneda”. It’s worth a listen.

I was, and still am to an extent, a fan of Castaneda's first several books. Then something happened. The book quality declined steeply. What happened? After reading Amy Wallace I know. Success went to Castaneda's head and he indulged in ALL of the most blatant excesses of even the worst gurus you can think of! The details reported in this book are extremely shocking, but if you like scandal hold your breath and dive in. You will like this book! I am very sorry to read that Amy just died several weeks ago at only 58 of a heart condition (Aug 2013). Amy reported that Castaneda's methods adversely affected the physical health of his students, so perhaps this too can be blamed on Castaneda.

Wow. This is one intense read. At the age of 59, I just read my first Castaneda book. It was well-written and interesting and I could appreciate what he was about, but it wasn't for me. I'm more into mediums and healers and shamans who communicate clearly, directly and efficiently versus Don Juan's indirect way of responding. (I kept thinking, Why does Castaneda want to know so much about plants? What's the big deal with plants? It took me a while to realize he was looking for drugs. I'm not so hip I guess.) I kind of wish Amy had written in detail and at length about the dark side of her childhood first in the book (versus briefly in the middle) so it was easier to understand how she was attracted to Carlos in the first place and then compelled to be a part of the crazy, destructive lifestyle around him for such a long time. I wonder if she had trauma in her childhood, which was recreated (trauma energy is always looking for release!) with Carlos and, of course, exacerbated by what went on. She's definitely a good writer and can tell a great story. She goes into obsessive detail about what went on with the witches, et al, and the mean-girls-of-high-school mentality surrounding and encouraged by Carlos. On the one hand, the detailing seems a little excessive. On the other hand, it reflects the experience. I couldn't decide if form and content complimented each other in that respect or not. I've read a few books by people who survived cults and got out of abusive "religions". Amy Wallace's memoir is unique among them. She had one bizarre journey. I sure hope she is feeling better and releasing that trauma energy!

I knew of Amy Wallace because of her book with Bill Henkin, The Psychic Healing Book . I recently repurchased that book to use as a reference for something I was writing. I knew of Carlos from reading his Don Juan books years ago. But I didn't know of the connection between Amy and Carlos until I found Sorcerer's Apprentice during my hunt for The Psychic Healing Book. I regard this book as well written. The Kindle version I bought has the 2007 "Love Letter" afterword which shows that at least 6 years ago Amy was still: A Captive of the Castaneda Cult Which, as a title, more appropriately encapsulates her story than Sorcerer's Apprentice. For Carlos was not a Sorcerer, thus Amy could not have been a Sorcerer's Apprentice. Rather, as Amy clearly revealed, Carlos was an insecure, yet charismatic, psychopath who traded in the hopes and fears of all around him. Traded, like most psychopaths, for his own deluded self-satisfaction. I'm glad I read this book for finally I am done with Carlos and his teachings. I hope Amy found nurturing romance and family she desired. After writing this review I discovered that Amy died on August 10, 2013 over a month after her 58th birthday. RIP Amy...

For whatever reason, Wallace uses Sorcerer’s Apprentice to undermine Castaneda and assassinate his character. Maybe enough to sour the experience for those who have long enjoyed and learned from his books and certainly with the intention of robbing the next generation of this joy. And why wait until Castaneda was no longer around to defend himself? He himself never validated their association and Wallace was never mentioned in his books. Three other women were referenced however: Taisha, Carol Tiggs and Florida Donner Grau, all of whom corroborated his accounts of and his/their apprenticeship with, Don Juan. Two of these women wrote their own books with forewords written by Castaneda. At the end of the day, had Castaneda's books, or any of those written by the women named above, been written in such a negative and petty light as Sorcerer's Apprentice, they would never have been published. Why? Because unlike Castaneda, Don Juan was not famous and thus no-one cared to read gossip filled nonsense about an unknown man nor was it possible for anyone to capitalize on his fame. This "gossip girl" book is an unverified account by a women Castaneda never publicly associated himself with. An attempt to ride on Castaneda's wings of fame. Take it with a grain of salt and continue to read and enjoy his beautiful books :)

Great book. Amy Wallace is very honest in her writing and is nice to see the other side of the coin.

Bought as a gift for my son's birthday,his recomendation.

I read this with interest since at the same time I was reading C C books and wanted to understand a it more about the man. I am very aware that this is written from the perspective of one person and I am not sure that she understood what the teachings were really about. The book gives no real idea that she had any understanding of this. However it does outline some interesting things which indicate to me a strangeness and weirdness about the man - the cutting of peoples hair and it certainly indicates that he had established what could be described as a cult and an unhealthy environment that bred fear and paranoia and was not conducive to the creation or generation of happiness which in my view is what those teachings ought to generate. It definitely describes the male domination that reigned at the time between this woman's father and CC and I cannot understand how women who were grown and mature could have allowed themselves to be cornered in this way - especially as the feminist movement was down the road and very available.

um die "Weisheits Rosinen" die in CC s Büchern zu finden sind . Etliches von Gurdijeff und Sri Aurobindo und chinesischen Weisen hat der Bursche ja wirklich schön neu formuliert . Das Buch von Wallace ist in jedem Fall ein Bringer, obwohl es mir unverständlich ist, sich so lange einem Psycho Terror auszusetzen . Ich habe mir dieses Buch besorgt, weil mir nach dem 4. CC Buch langsam Widersprüche auffielen und die Fabulierkunst von CC langsam unerträglich wurden . (Immer mehr "Zauberkunststücke" fliessen ein ..) Mrs Wallace Buch kann jedenfalls helfen, die Handvoll "Wahrheiten" in den dJ Sagern etwas zu destillieren und die Chronologie einer pathologischen Geistes Entwicklung zu separieren . Das vielleicht Wichtigste : es rückt die Geschichten über Anorganische und den Flieger ins rechte Licht - Paranoia . Und nicht zu knapp .

i thought carlos was taller